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One Minute Joke

Joke Title:
A New Ark (2 minute Joke)

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build me another ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, You have six months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark. Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, how things have changed since the last time you asked me to do this. First, I needed a building permit. Then, I've been arguing with the fire marshal about the need for an on-board sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighbo rhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but do you think they listened? The state says I will have to register the ark as a sea-worthy vessel, and then the county will want me to pay property taxes on it. When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group took out an injunction. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I had just about settled with them when the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I told them that I expected there would be quite some impact then they really didn't like that I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades union says I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience. Do you realize how long it's been since you had me build that first ark? Nobody remembers how to do it. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with animals that have been certified on the endangered species list. So, forgive me, Lord, but it's gonna take me at least ten more years to finish this ark. Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, You mean you're no t going to destroy the world? Donít need to now said the Lord, The government beat me to it!
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